how to be terrifyingly on trend this Halloween

If you have left buying your Halloween costume until now, then you don't stand a chance in the shops. But if you are planning to celebrate (if that's the word) Halloween on the day and have only 20 minutes to cobble something together, fear not. This year, it's all about keeping your ghouls fictional and on trend, so you can wear something you already own.

Key, of course, is your subject matter, and what exactly constitutes the 2018 "frightgeist". We have long retired the sexy cat – the only acceptable cat is Salem from Sabrina – and while political posturing via your Melania Trump outfit is all well and woke (especially now that our Instagram feeds double as a lesson in virtue signalling), it just feels a little bit … sincere. And as for dressing up as Philip Green, avoid it. You're in danger of trivialising a serious issue in the name of banter.

You would be surprised how much mileage you can get from what is alre ady in your autumn wardrobe. That faux-fur coat? Perfect for Tonya Harding's embittered mother. A pair of gloves? That's Theo Crain from The Haunting of Hill House right there. A navy jumpsuit? Pair with a sheet mask, and you're Michael Myers.

The character: Madame Blanc from Suspiria
The costume: a voluminous orange dress
Witches abound in 2018 culture, although fans of Luca Guadagnino's Suspiria remake will be familiar with a particularly unpleasant breed who pretend to be staff members of the Helena Markos Dance Co in order to carry out nastiness devised by the top witch Madame Blanc (Tilda Swinton). Getting Blanc's look is easy, thanks to the work of the costume designer Giulia Piersanti. All you need is something scene-stealing, voluminous and monastic in orange – the kind of dress Roksanda put on her catwalk. Pair with a centre parting, and a vague air of satanic doom.